Sleep

Tonight I took all of my standard ni-night drugs, both prescription and over-the-counter.  And since I have been having migraines for about a week, I decided to take 2 of the migraine medicine, which is my standard dose.

Now, I am aware that taking Lortab 1.0 keeps me wide awake, but I have taken this same dose many times with no adverse effect. 

Guess from now on I will be more cautious so that I am not up until 2:30 in the morning.  This is distressing cause I took my pills about 8:30 and laid down in bed, under the fan, with my CPAP hoping to get a good night’s sleep to start a wonderful day tomorrow.

Life never turns out the way you want.

Things that I have

She had considerable weight loss over the previous 6 weeks, poor sleep, feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, decline in self care, low energy, increased startle responses, flashbacks of physical and emotional abuse

 

She would also hear self-deprecating voices when she looked into the mirror.

 

MEDICAL HISTORY:

Migraine headaches

Depression

Whenever I type a psych report that gives symptoms of depression, it seems to always strike a cord in my life.  Guess that is telling something about me.

Life

When I opened my computer this afternoon, my Windows Live Writer came up automatically.  Was someone telling me something? 

I have been wanting to start up blogging, getting my thoughts down on paper and saving them for posterity. 

During the past year I have had money problems.  Like earning less than $1000 a month.  Does not go very far these days.  But God has watched out for me.  Whenever there was a dire need, the was a supply. 

Now I am truly blessed.  My old job working for HCA doing transcription was phased out.  In other words, they decided to farm out the work.  The good thing was the company, Superior Global, would take each transcriptionist on.  BUT..  they only wanted full time, which was wonderful for me.  So I go from about $100 a week to about $300 if I work hard. 

Life is great. 

Then come the challenges.  I prefer challenges instead of trials because that is just what it is.  Something to do, something to surpass, something to overcome.

First, Bear went to jail.  There is no other way to put it.  He tangled with the electric man, and the man lost.  I do so wish they would knock on the door before they do anything.

Then, it would be so easy to just move into the basement and forget upstairs.  Upstairs is a mess and I don’t know how to change. 

I am thinking a trip to the Laundromat would be an excellent place to start.  Lots of clean clothes, lots of hangers, lots of drawers to fill.  It will probably take me a couple of days to sort through everything and take it out to the car.

The kitchen is another matter.  I am thinking a great big trashcan would be the best bet.  Get rid of everything and start over.  Do better next time.  I certainly cannot do worse.

And that is just the beginning.  I can go forward from here.  I want to move forward.  I want to do so many things, so this is where I will start.

To all my friends and family…  Welcome to the beginning.  We are going to have so much fun gettting rid of things.

I have a question....  Why is it that when I need something, everyone else wants something from me.  I would so LOVE having some help, but always the help comes with contingencies.  I am tired of contingencies.  Just do SOMETHING. There is so much that needs done and is not getting done. 

Why?

Why are we so concerned about what others think?  Why is it that we do not seem to be able to live for ourselves and not for what others see.  Live for yourself.  Serve yourself and no one else.    Be concerned with what is important to you and your family so that you can enjoy the life you have chosen.

Here I am today

I sit here, alone, in the silence.  Not because I like silence, but because I am doing NOTHING.  Not just staring at the ceiling, or the floor.  I am sitting here on the computer looking at books to download to my MP3.  Not that I need more books.  There are a half-dozen books on that player that I have not listened to yet.  I am collecting books for the future.  Like I am ever going to run out. 
Books are my new CRACK.  It is an addiction for me.  Not a bad addiction, but an addiction none the less. 
I just finished The Hunger Games trilogy, and cannot wait to see the movie.  I may even go the first week, which is not something I usually do.  If you have not read them, get a copy from the library.  Or do what I am doing to feed my addiction.  My public library, Brigham City Public Library http://www.bcpl.lib.ut.us/, has a Download Center.  From there I can check out many, many books as either e-books or audiobooks.  I love it.  These books are less crack, since listening does not keep my mind as busy as reading.  (I know, that does not make sense.) 
Anyway, contact your library.  They will probably have something similar.  If not, check out books on CD from the library and put them onto your MP3 or IPOD.  You will love it.
Now…  I need to GET BACK TO WORK.

Bear

First, I have a dog and we named him Bear.  He is a drop off.  In other words, how could any person not love this wonderful pup.  This 11-year-old pup.  He is the kind of dog that you would not give a dollar for him, but you would have to give me a million to take him off my hands.

This is the Bear.  With his Squeaker.  When he first came to live with us, we tried many, many toys.  And the only thing that he would play with was this little, pink stuffed cow.  Of course, the first thing he did was pull out the stuffing.  But he did not care.  As long as it squeaked, he loved it.  He tossed it, played catch with it, tried to take it outside, and even snuck it outside (fortunately it was summer and it did not get lost in the snow).  He was so hard on the squeakers that come in the stuffed animals, that I finally put a squeaking ball inside.  Of course, it was bigger that the belly, so he ended up with a patch in the middle.  He did not care.  He loved that thing. 

Well, a couple of weeks ago Bear’s cable broke and off he went, chasing a stranger down the road.  Fortunately he did not catch that person. And I found out that my neighbors are afraid of my dog.  At least that is what Animal Control told me.  So the past couple of weeks have been difficult for both of us.  I repaired his cable, but it did not reach the door.  So I was traipsing out with him on a leash to the chain, and repeat on the way back.  Bear weighs about 60 pounds.  And I trust him as far as I can throw him.

Today I finished his new cable.  Unfortunately it is about 15 feet too short.  So I took a section of an old chain and added it to the new section.  It is not perfect, but it is sound.  What we don’t do for those 4-legged fur child.  It is not that I don’t love him, but if he were a child he would be easier to take care of.  And probably eat less.

Now, I am going to quit rambling.  Fortunately for him, I love the dumb dog.  Time to go get HIS dinner out of the oven.

Have a great day!!

Sitting

Why is it I would rather sit in front on a paused TV than listen to what is playing.  This place is a mess with a great bit SSSSSs.  I spend the day sitting, or sleeping, or eating. or hating the way I spend the day.  So….. Onward and upward…  Forward Ho…  Off we go into the great beyond.

But what to do first?  There is laundry needing to be folded.  And papers to be sorted.  And the trash taken out.

There. I have a list of three things.  Strive to complete them in the next 24 hours.  Then your life will be yours.

Lawn

I just had my lawn mowed.  Getting your lawn mowed by surprise is so000 wonderful.  Thanks so much.

Update

1. TV.  Okay, I am a TV junkie.  Even witout regular TV, moves still drag me in.  Got to quit doing that.  But it is not on right now, so at least I am making a headway.
2. Lights.  I did manage to turn off all of the lights before I left yesterfday, so that is a good thing.  If it werent for the darn TV....
3. Dishwasher.  Since I spent the night on a sleep-over with Trish, I did not get everything done.  I DID run the dishwasher, but I did not get it emptied.  I am ashamed to say that I spent too much time doing other things.  And it still isn't done.  So..... GET IT DONE!!!
4. Other stuff....  I have unloaded more of the stuff from my trip to Idaho.  Does more count???  I think it does.  Anything accomplished counts for a lot.  Or maybe I should say any one thing accomplished counts...  Every little thing counts.

On a different board... My sleepover with Trish was wonderful.  We went out to dinner at Angies, a place we have not visited in over a year.  And did so with enjoyment. 

We discussed putting together the gifts for the guests at Alicia's wedding.  I will get it posted ASAP so that I can get feedback from everyone.  The charms are turning out wonderful.  Shrinky-dinks are back, and they are wonderful.