Take Him Back

I Took Him Back To Wal-Mart

My husband and I fought constantly,
Why I married him, I’ll never know.
For all those miserable years I said
My hubby has got to go!

Tried poisoning cakes, stripping brakes,
Salting his pork chops with lime.
Wiring his chair, igniting his hair
Even though playing with fire is a crime.

But I failed at each plot ‘til I suddenly thought
Of a way that would set me free!
I got rid of him for good and, know what?
They couldn’t do a thing to me!

I took him back to Wal-Mart!
They’ll take anything back you know!
They said they couldn’t recall selling him.
But they must have if I said so.

They just credited him to my Visa and said,
"Ya’ll come back now, ‘ya hear?"
They were so nice, polite, pleasant and insistent,
I took back his mother the next year!

They’ll take anything back at Wal-Mart,
Though it’s broken or rotten or sweet.
And know what else? This time of year
You don’t even need a receipt!