Thursday, December 2, 2010
“The end of the year is a crazy, busy and often stressful time. It is a hard time for lots of us. I remember well my own long string of difficult years….where each of them ended with the holidays, and all of the mixed emotions attached to them. Something that has always always always been wonderful…year after year, no matter how hard the year had been….was to really and truly look the last year over. Look it over, up and down, side to side, in and out. Look for the miracles that made it so that I was and am still breathing in and out…still having the opportunity of another day. Still learning, still growing, still here. Sometimes we forget all of crazy things that happened to help us along….all of the “coincidences”, all of the things that just somehow worked out, all of the people who showed up just in time. All of the friendships made and the changes made and the progress made. Our days are filled with these kinds of miracles. The end of the year is a great time to reflect on all of that. I would like to share some of mine with you, and I hope you will share too. Our stories are so much more healing to each other than we could ever know….so please open your heart, your mind and your memory bank in the coming month as we seek out and share the each other’s miracles…….
Here’s the miracle I’m thankful for today:….THE POWER OF WRITING THINGS DOWN.
I am constantly in awe at the power of putting ink to paper and having faith in what we’ve written down. It is as if an army of miracle makers is sitting on each of our shoulders, waiting to put circumstances together that bring our deepest goals and desires to fruition. We are suddenly called to action by the deepest voices of our gut…and when we keep the faith in the words that we wrote…miracles happen. Miracles don’t always happen fast…..but they always happen exactly when they are supposed to, and always just in time. I just found a journal that is a few years old….and it reminded me that I really need to know what I want out of life or life will just keep happening. We’ve got to write stuff down. I typed out an entry at the end of this post.
An example? I’m sharing this because I want you to know that I know what it feels like to be in a place where you just want to be ok. I have been there….so much of the reason we started BGC. Because I know what it’s like to be there…I know I needed to know that I could get out of that state of mind. I felt so lost…felt so much like my best years were over….Here’s an excerpt from one of my journals not so long ago….while trying to work my way out of a very difficult years-long funk…..trying to figure out how to clean up all of my life’s messes, how to be happy again, how to dream again, how to hope again, how to trust again…..it all started with I WANT TO MAKE ROOM FOR:…and guess what? Over the months…it has happened. I got there. I wrote it down first.
I want to make room for happiness, bliss, joy, light. – I want all of that to take up so much rom that there is room for nothing else. I want to make room for fun & adventure & new experiences & friends. I want to make room for forgiveness & trust & healing. I want to make room for more goodness, which means I must de-clutter, remove and eliminate everything…every feeling everything limitation that is no longer necessary or constructive in my life. I want to make room for new ideas & beauty & appreciation & creativity. I want to make room for fun outings & projects. I want to make room for making my home beautiful & homey. I want to make room for security, and trust that the security is real and not fleeting. I want to make room for love, absolute unconditional love. I want to make SO much room to be able to give love to others, especially my children. I want to make huge amounts of room for the truth, so that nothing but the truth fits. I want to make room for God, a room that is always open, a special room where nothing else can come in, a room where He dwells, always, where I can always find Him and He can always find me. I want to make room for writing, and understanding why it has been so very difficult and scary to write. I want to make room for carefree, happy days, for happiness, for fun and for new memories. Yes, I want to make room for NEW memories instead of holding on to the old memories. I want to make room for serving others, and sharing what I know and have with others – and I want to make room for letting others teach, share & even serve me. I want to make room for new definitions of success, happiness and wealth. I want to make room for new opportunities that I never thought existed, or maybe never even knew existed. I want to make room to see the miracles and blessings all around me. I want ot make room for peace – safety. I want to choose solitude out of choice rather than fear and desperations. I want to make room for whatever I was born on this earth to do or be. I want to make room for experiencing more foods, more art, more places – but even more, I want to make room for doing this every day at home with the people that I love. I want to make room for my spirit, every hour of every day.
(typed out from a handwritten journal, 2 years ago.)”
This message touched my soul. So much that I HAD to leave a message, which I have added below. What made me want to add this to my blog is the fact that, even though nearly every message hits a part of my life, this is just what I had been telling myself all week. That I needed to reevaluate my life and my choices and where I was headed. These ladies are truly inspired. We are truly fortunate to count these inspired ladies as our biggest cheerleaders.
When I was at Brave Girls I was “the one writing in the journal”. Journal writing has always been important to me. When I went to Brave Girls I had 2 journals at home that were long lost, actually 3. We stopped at Wal-Mart to get photos and the composition books were on sale for 25 cents. So off the deep end I went. I probably bought 30 extra because I could not go to camp without a journal.(Plus, I tend to get carried away sometimes.)I even passed on a few to ladies in our vehicle who liked the idea. Little did I know what was in store and what a beautiful new Journal I would be given. I am not even sure what happened to that original book.
I have always blamed my lack of journal writing on someone else. Well, now I don’t have that excuse. And I am still no better at it. For some reason, the desire has not overridden the “do it later”!
Melody, this past week when I missed going home for Thanksgiving because of the weather, I took stock in my life, what I like and what I don’t like. This past year I have been existing. Finding joy only when I was with another person, like I cannot be happy by myself.
Today I took a drive all by myself. I stopped at MickyD’s and got a Happy Meal and Coke, then just drove. I have not done that in about a year. This time last year we were not even certain I was going to survive for the new year, as I was scheduled for surgery. Then one day I decided that I had to survive cause there were too many people who would not make it without me. Funny how some choices change a lot of lives.
I am getting off track. I love that you are able to go back and see how you were doing a year ago. It is one of the things that I admire about you.
This past week when I re-evaluated my choices I made some definite plans. I am looking forward to a wonderful life with the daughter, my sisters, my brothers, and my Mom, plus all of the nieces and nephews. We are again planning a future together, places to see and wonderful things to do.
Most of all, I am once again setting up a craft room. I once had a wonderful room to craft. I had a big house with a big room with nothing in it. I could set something up and never move it. It was wonderful.
Life is good. The future is better. Find the thing that makes you **giggle** and go for it.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Now, for what I did…. First of all, I probably cheated because I purchased the plastic pumpkin at the thrift store for a buck.
Initially I had thought to use the back side painted with chalkboard paint because I had seen that on web sites and it sounded like so much fun. Then, Christine and I sat down to paint our pumpkins and the chalkboard paint was not so handy, so I went with orange. Here he is:
Since the pumpkin is plastic and craft paint would probably not stick, I Mod podged (yes, that is a verb) the entire pumpkin. Since I did not have any orange paint and did not want to leave the house, I mixed red and yellow. This was great because it gave the paint that shaded look. While in Disneyland a few weeks ago my daughter purchased a Mickey Hat for me to wear at Boo at the Zoo at Hogle Zoo in Salt Lake City next weekend and I plopped it onto the guy, not realizing it would match so well.
It is so wonderful, that I plan to carry him when we attend Boo At The Zoo next weekend.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Today was quite the day. First I was out of bed before 8:30 in the morning today, which is quite unusual for me. Then I took Bear to Logan for a sleep-over and drove semi-frantically back home. You see, it was 10:15 when I dropped Bear off and I needed to be in Park City to pick up Trish at 12:00 then we needed to be back to the U of U campus for the play at 2:00.
We saw Hamlet.
It was wonderful, although I must admit to falling asleep, I don’t think I missed much because the story still made sense to me. Anyway, it is full of marrying the brother-in-law (can you say ick), shipping off the son, son is certain father was murdered by Brother-in-law and returns, accuses mother of marrying husband’s murderer, son murder’s mother’s advisor thinking it is brother-in-law, mother’s advisor is son’s girlfriend’s father, son is shipped off because of the murder, son’s girlfriend goes insane over death of father and falls into stream and drowns, brother of girlfriend returns only to find her dead, son returns to call out brother-in-law, instead girlfriend’s brother calls out son, son and girlfriend’s brother have sword fight, brother-in-law (now married to mother) offers son a large pearl if he draws the first blood, boys fight, son draws first blood, brother-in-law drops pearl into wine and tries to get son to drink but he refuses, the boys continue to fight, son skewers brother of girlfriend, mother drinks wine in which brother-in-law dropped pearl except it was poison, mother dies of poison, son skewers brother-in-law… and it think that was the end.
Now are you appropriately confused. So was I. To make matters worse, every young man had dark hair and wore a dark suit. They could at least have different colored wigs or different colored clothing. Or maybe they could wear name tags.
I did enjoy the play. I will go again if given the chance. And I encourage you go attend if you can. The only thing I would do different is that I would read the cliff notes before attending the play. That way I would be a lot less confused.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
No, the Mantua dam has not broken…
No, a pipe has not broken.
No, we did not have a huge rainstorm.
The neighbor let the water run too long and it has flooded me again. Thankfully Bear wanted to go outside so the basement got no water.
This is between the two garages. It is a river running downhill.
Here is the puddle next to the basement. It is over an inch deep. I cannot get into the back yard without stepping into water.
Bear wanted to walk with me into the back yard, but stopped when he saw the puddle. Bear hates water. A lot. If you spray him with a hose, he will run away.
This is the start of the river between the two garages. This is where I plan to build a dam. Thanks Grandpa. I would not understand the theory about a dam.
And here is my waterfall at the end of the river between the two garages. This is at the front of the garage.
This has been going on periodically most of the summer. It was not so concerning before because it did not get into the basement. Over the past three weeks I have gotten flooded 3 times. It flooded while I was on vacation and I came home to musty, sour laundry on the floor and lots of wet rugs. Thankfully it did not get as far as the family room.
The clothes are now washed and the room no longer smells of mold. I am so thankful that the carpet did not need to be pulled up because it is glued down.
I guess my Truth Teller is here for me today. Because there was noone else home to turn the water off. And I don't want to clean up another mess.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Yesterday I decided to treat myself. I love sparkling water. I buy cans of sparkling water. For a long time now I have felt like this was a silly waste of money. There had to be a way I could put bubbles in the water from my own tap. And yesterday I did it.
I bought a Sodastream Home Soda Maker. It is wonderful. It makes this bottle full of bubbles. You know how sometimes you grab a soda just for the bubbles. I liked sparking water before, but this is great since the cost is about 25 cents (and when did they take the cent sign off the keyboard) a bottle.
And the bubbles last all day. I could not have asked for more. I even bought a sampler of all of their flavors and a bottle of cola flavoring. Right now I am drinking Smith’s store brand, so I guess I am not that picky. It has cola, orange, pete’s choice(Dr. Pepper), root beer, lemon-lime, fountain mist (Dew maybe?), diet cola, diet pink grapefruit, diet lemon-lime, diet root beer, diet cranberry raspberry, and one called energy. I am going to wait to open the flavors for Peach Days, cause that is when the sisters will be coming down for a visit.
I just make another bottle of sparking water. At this rate, I may not drink coke much anymore. Which is quite good, because I would really like to wean myself off caffeine so that it works better when I truly need the boost. Like driving. Driving is hard for me right now. Bear and I know all of the shady spots to take a nap.
I wish heaven had a phone so I could hear your voice again. I thought of you today, but that is nothing new. I thought about you yesterday, and days before that too. I think of you in silence.
I thought of you today. As I drove home from getting my new keyboard. We should have stopped somewhere for dinner and had such a good time. I miss the things we used to do together. It is so very hard to go for a drive, to go anywhere that we used to go to together. How can I go on trips that we had planned together. How can I do things that we had such plans to do. We had such a life planned, and now I don’t know what I want to do.
I often speak your name. Sometimes I ask why you did this to me, even though I realize you did not leave on purpose, that you wanted to stay with us. I think of the plans we each made individually and the plans we made together. When I think of the fun we would have had with each other, it brings a tear to my eye.
I will miss you every day of my life. Even though I am attempting to build myself a new life, to be involved in things, every day I miss you. I hate going to bed without you. I hate that I cannot get things done around the house. It was only this week that I realized that all of the things that I had done were all for you. Nothing seems worth doing anymore. I do realize that fact, but it does not change anything, and I still don’t get much done.
I have many memories of you, of the things we did and of the places we visited. You will always hold a sweet spot in my heart. I remember the love we shared and the good times we enjoyed. Thank you so much for all you have done for us. For the good times and the not so good times. I will always love you. No one will ever replace you. Not even George.
Your memory is a keepsake, from which I'll never part......
God has you in his arms and I have you in my heart ~ and you will never leave.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
This coming weekend, July 31, There will be a Ray Rasmussen Family reunion. Lorna and her family have organized this get-together. Fortunately, and unfortunately, the water pump on Lorna’s car went out on the freeway near Honeyville, Utah. What that meant, was lat night I got to spend the evening with Lorna, Sharon and her daughter, Pauline, her husband (sorry, I am not good with names), and lots and lots of grandkids. They camped at Crystal Hot Springs in Honeyville.
First we needed food. Here is Lorna and Sharon pushing the grocery cart together. See, I even brought my recycle bags.
We went to the local thrift store hoping to find swim suits, but no such luck. All they had were 2-piece suits, and I am not going there, let alone Sharon. I could not resist a couple of pop-up books for Sharon. One is Noah’s Ark, with all of the animals. The second book was a giant book with Warner Brother cartoon characters as babies. She loved both.
Polly’s husband grilled chicken for us. It was the best ever. Next time they come, I am going to get them to bring a couple of bottles of that sauce. Dinner could not have been better.
Then we went swimming.
Polly and her husband are so great with Sharon. They helped her “swim” around the pool most of the evening. Jessica, Morris’ daughter, also took took Sharon a lot. They went into the cooler pool and swam and bounced for quite some time. I think Sharon enjoyed it more that me, which is great.
Here is Polly, Jessica, Lorna, Sharon (in front) and Polly’s husband (sorry).
This is Jessica, her husband (sorry), their son and another of Lorna’s grandsons (sorry)
At the end of the evening Jessica’s husband helped Sharon out of the pool. They were standing there enjoying a moment when I rushed over for this picture. He is such a great kid.
Sorry about the names, I should have written them down. But I didn’t. But I could not wait to do this post.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
I Took Him Back To Wal-Mart
My husband and I fought constantly,
Why I married him, I’ll never know.
For all those miserable years I said
My hubby has got to go!
Tried poisoning cakes, stripping brakes,
Salting his pork chops with lime.
Wiring his chair, igniting his hair
Even though playing with fire is a crime.
But I failed at each plot ‘til I suddenly thought
Of a way that would set me free!
I got rid of him for good and, know what?
They couldn’t do a thing to me!
I took him back to Wal-Mart!
They’ll take anything back you know!
They said they couldn’t recall selling him.
But they must have if I said so.
They just credited him to my Visa and said,
"Ya’ll come back now, ‘ya hear?"
They were so nice, polite, pleasant and insistent,
I took back his mother the next year!
They’ll take anything back at Wal-Mart,
Though it’s broken or rotten or sweet.
And know what else? This time of year
You don’t even need a receipt!
Friday, July 23, 2010
This morning Trish helped me get the branches out of Dell’s truck. I should have taken a picture so you could see where we started. After we emptied the truck, I drove on over and got a scoop of topsoil for the garden. Trish and I are going to work on it for a little while every morning and every night. Does that count as aerobic exercise?? Here is what we brought home.
Aren’t you proud of us?!!! One little step every day.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
I just went onto a new antidepressant. It seems to be working better than the old one, but I don’t know if it is anticipation or actually working.
Now if I can just learn to stay focused on what I am doing. I turned off the TV and put on a book on tape to minimize the distractions.
Distracted again. Anyone have a recipe for baked beans>??>?
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Butter is one of the miracles of life. A smooth, delightful tasting spread that makes anything taste wonderful. How can something so good be so bad for you.
When you add it to vegetables, they taste wonderful.
When you add it to gravy, it only gets better.
And let’s not go into how it wonderful it is on toast.
Isn’t life wonderful.
Bear is sad tonight. Since Dell died Bear has periodically climbed onto the bed, laid down close to me and cried. He is doing it again tonight. First he jumped on the bed and nearly crowded me out. (You know, he is so tiny.) After about a half an hour I finally got him to jump down. Bear is a lot like the proverbial gorilla. He sits where he wants.
After He finally jumped down, he looked so sad standing beside the bed that I asked him if he wanted to come up onto the bed.
Big mistake!! Now I have a big dog on the bed with me with his head laying in my lap. He has been crying and moaning all evening. Hope he gets happy soon.
Let’s all say one for Bear.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
I am sitting here in my living room, having done nothing much all day. The list on the door is still there. The camera cord is still lots. My feet still hurt. And it is nearly time to go to work.
Not what I had originally thought I would be doing with this life. But oh well. Life goes on. The sun is shining and the dog is not barking.
On with life…..
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Trish and I went to Grief Group last night. We were followed by one other lady, and it looked like we would be the only attendees. Then Others arrived. That is when we realized just how fortunate we are. One lady’s husband committed suicide. Another died of a lung clot in his 50s with a daughter that is 9 years old.
We did a worksheet that brought lots of tears, but it was cleansing too.
The social worker suggested not avoiding holidays, so i am hereby inviting everyone to my house this Memorial Day. There used to be a get together at the park with all of the family, but I am here and have a great apple tree, so let’s everyone gather and enjoy.
We can reminisce about those who have gone before us. Bring stories and pictures. I will have my printer/copier set up to share.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Friday, March 5, 2010
For those of you who live in the more temperate regions (Boise), I have snow again. The car was covered. Fortunately the driveway was not. I think it is even still snowing.
Bear loves it.
Just kidding. Almost. There is not quite this much snow, but Bear did have little pelets of snow on his back when he came in.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
This is from Ellen. It also gives the original speach from the Movie. Watch them both.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
When I started this Blog it was to chronical the retirement Dell and I would enjoy together. Well, he has changed everything. So, when you or your spouse does not feel well, now matter what else is happening, GO TO THE DOCTOR. And keep going back until you find out what is causing the problem.
Dell had a Neuroendocrine tumor, which caused liver failure and his death.
So this definitely is the beginning of My New Life. Today I am calling the company to get all of the information about pension and his life insurance. Now I have to call Social Security to see if I will be getting something from them.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Each year Trisha and I try to do Gingerbread Houses. Unfortunately this was once again the “Year of the Hospital”. This photo of gingerbread serial killer is a tribute to all of the gingerbread everywhere that did not get baked, that did not get decorated, or did not get enjoyed.
This photograph I got off the National Geographic website. It was submitted by Candy Caldwell.
Friday, January 1, 2010
We saw A Christmas Carol with Jim Carey tonight at the 4:50 showing at the Capital Theater. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie. I am very happy I did not take any children with me. I did not dream it would be such a dark film. Now, I do realize the Scrooge is a dark story, but this one seemed much more scary that any others that we watched this season…… And I don’t think we missed one. I guess coming from Disney I expected it to be more kid friendly.
I thoroughly enjoyed the movie and am very glad we went. Thanks Trisha.